The end

So this is really late but, the program Converge I was apart of is over. I made it through a nine month life shaping experience. It was so very hard. At points I wanted to quit, but there is something about finishing strong. God showed me alot over the last nine months about how He has made me and how I can be more effective with how he has made me.

One of the biggest things Ive learned about myself is learning the importance of living in the now and present. We all have ups and downs but we cant live in them we have to allow the good and bad to happen and live in the middle of that. Allow God to work and push through.

This is my last post on this Blog. I will start another one but, thank you for those of you who have kept up with my life and whats been going on over the last nine months. Thank you for the prayer request. Ill post the new blog on my facebook when I get it running.

Ive been running a lot more as of late, and I love the feeling of being healthy but hate the process. You start off and you feel fine. Tell yourself well this isn't bad. I don't mind this so much. Then you get about a mile and your thoughts go from this is fine to, I hope I can push through the next four miles. I hope my legs don't give out. I can do this I'm going to be fine. You keep your mind on the finish and push. Around mile three your legs start to say, i don't know if you noticed but I'm tired and would like to no longer be in pain. You know your so close and you only have to push a little bit harder and the race is done. You tell yourself only a little more. You can't let up now, your almost done. You need to finish well, you can't walk. So you push harder and pray that there is energy enough to get you across the line. You finally meet your goal and cross the line. The sweat coming off you is evidence that you ran the race well. you pushed and gave it everything you had.
Why is it so hard to finish well? The end of the race is near and your body wants to give out. You can either allow the pain to wash over you, or push through. And you know pushing is another word for painful. The runner knows that if they are running the race well the end will be the most painful but the most gratifying if ran well. This translates to our lives so easily. When faced with a task, goal, project, program, schooling, or whatever we face the point of do i finish well?

I'm at the end of a nine month program at Sandy Cove Ministries, and I have to ask the question am I finishing well? Am I running the race to the fullest or throwing in the towel? It is not easy, it is not fun, but the value of pushing through this last little bit of pain will shape me even more. I would like to think I have grown up some since coming here and that God has used things here to shape more into the man I am to be. My race has been full of hills and obstacles but I can see the end and my prayer is that I would finish well. That at the end I can feel every muscle ache, every bone hurt because I ran so hard to the finish line.

My race does not end here though, My God has more for me to do. So when this journey in my life comes to an end, I will begin another and run to my fullest. If your reading this I ask that You pray for me and the others in this program that we would finish well and keep seeking Christ. Salvation does just happen at the cross and stay there. It is hard race we must all keep going on. So please pray for us. And if there is anything I can pray for let me know.

Accepting the mountains

I am not very old but of the years that I have been on this earth I have learned that life will give you ups and downs. When this happens, how we react is so key. I know, I tend to be my own worst critic and live in my downs. When I operate like this, things become more than they should be. My downs become this huge weight and seem impossible to overcome. My days become more exhausting because Im not accepting the mountain in front of me. In life we meet troubles and sometimes we have to accept the little victories. For the most part I just see the mountains in my life and cant see the small victory. I just see the pain or the problem. I read the other day if we live for the peaks of mountains or getting through the valleys our lives wont be fulfilled. And to often I find myself doing so. We have to live for the small breakthroughs other wise we wont get anywhere. And be living from highs to your lows making life harder on yourself. Trust me I live through it. Live and accept the mountains, step by step.

Contentment

Contentment, what does this look like in your life? In mine I have not mastered it quite yet. I find myself being complacent more than content. As many Christians I have found myself saying, “God is enough” or “God fills me, what more do I need?” But that is not the case. I desire more. I know what the right answer is; I know that it’s my flesh or physical nature versus the spirit.  

The only real difference between the two words is one’s self. When we gain self-satisfaction we are complacent. When we get satisfaction not from our own doing we are content.

In my devotional Morning and Evening I read this: “These words show us that contentment is not a natural propensity of man. “Ill weeds grow apace.” Covetousness, discontent, and murmuring are as natural to man as thorns are to the soil. We need not sow thistles and brambles; they come up naturally enough, because they are indigenous to earth: and so, we need not teach men to complain; they complain fast enough without any education. But the precious things of the earth must be cultivated. If we would have wheat, we must plough and sow; if we want flowers, there must be the garden, and all the gardener’s care. Now, contentment is one of the flowers of heaven, and if we would have it, it must be cultivated; it will not grow in us by nature; it is the new nature alone that can produce it, and even then we must be specially careful and watchful that we maintain and cultivate the grace which God has sown in us.”

It is not our nature to do what is right; it is not our nature to do the good and honest thing. I do believe we are all inclined to follow our sinful nature. It is a battle to be in the spirit. That is why it takes work to have faith.  That is why we are called to put on the amour of God. It is a battle and our physical self without Christ is strong. A friend of mine said something that goes like this, “me by myself is ugly, it is evil and wants nothing good, but with Christ I am beautiful and good.” We have to understand this disconnect to understand the idea of complacency and contentment. Self versus Christ has been a fight since the fall.

 The principle I have been trying to teach myself, especially as of late is what Paul said in Philippians 4:11: “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Being content as I said before is not something easy, even Paul spoke of how it was something he had to learn. In my life I find it so easy to be complacent, it is so easy to see what I think of done. My ego is a great beast that I must fight, because when I really look at things the only way I accomplish anything is through God. The only way we do anything in life is by grace and we are lucky it flows like a river. So often we abuse this.

So learning contentment is like anything else it takes time and effort and who wants to do that on top of everything else in life? Life consumes us and we get stuck with the me monster. Oh but we have church on Sundays so we can make ourselves feel better. I find this to be a sick practice many follow. We leave God at the church buildings on Sunday and the rest of the week we say we are enough, we can get through it. Then Sunday we ask God, where were you at? Why did you help me in my situation? Why wouldn’t you give me what I want? Does anything sound wrong here?  We forget to take the me or I out and see that it’s not our will or plan that matters. Otherwise you’re stuck being complacent and serving yourself. Don’t leave Christ at church it’s not a place to manage your sins or the only place to work on contentment.  To master something it is said to take over 10,000 hours. If the only place you’re doing this is church you have some work to do my friend. “Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person” (Albert Einstein). God does not want some or a little he wants all of us. So when learning to be content you have to go big or go home. God will spit you out for being lukewarm do you think it is any different if your heart is not in being content. Pride is a killer; do not let yours kill the blessing that waits.

I am still trying to learn this truth; I am no master of it yet. But I hope and pray and will continue on my way. Contentment is not easy it is not natural, but it is something I am working towards. I do not want to settle for complacency, my will is not good enough. Apart from Christ I am nothing, remembering that disconnect is one step towards being content. I hope you have been encouraged by this reminder and you to are on your way to learning to be content.  

Poor and Rich

The idea of being poor is not something many wish for I assume. I don't think people wake up in the morning and say man I wish that I didn't have a house or a car. Money is the way of the world and for a lot of people the standard of which you find value. Money causes downfalls, corruption, and jealousy within the heart. Better yet the use or view of money is viewed this way, not money itself. Why is it that we as humans can't get away from desiring money? We want it because it gives us power.

I know that in my own life I have often found myself wanting more of it, and that I despair when I do not. It is hard to get through this world without having money. The way of the world has a strong pull. Something I am trying to learn and put to practice is the idea of being poor but rich.

Being poor but rich; being poor in the physical but rich in the spirit. We are rich in Christ and we find great worth in him. But to often we forget that fact and find ourselves lost. We, I think that at times because I am not blessed with money I am not rich. Money can overwhelm and make our wants fall away from what God wants. It is a path changer.

The idea of completely relying on God is scary to me. It is scary because the male figure was never there for me in my childhood. With no real father figure to go on, the idea of God taking care me and always being there was scary. And with my father being gone life was harder. My mom bless her heart did everything possible to give me and my brother a normal life. Trying to give us everything we wanted and make us want for nothing. She instilled in us a good view on working and faith. Without her I would be just another fatherless rebel. Adding to the ever long stats on a fatherless home. But by Gods grace I had a mother that cared.

With all this going on around me I had to mature a little faster than those around me. With every guy stepping in trying to be a father figure leaving my life after a time it was easy to become bitter and not wanting to trust. My spirit was bankrupt. My faith empty. I did not know the truth I know now.The truth that your circumstances do not define you, your status does not define you, money does not define you. It is something I have wrestled with for years. I want so badly to know what is like to want for nothing to live in ease. To know that when a bill comes I dont have to worry. But thats not life, thats not how we grow. My director always says, "you know your growing if you're changing for the better and it hurts, pain indicates growth."

 So my whole life until now, I have been groomed to realize a simple truth, that I am rich beyond belief. That the God of heaven and earth dwells within me and I want for nothing. I have a father in heaven that sustains my spirit, how could I believe that he wouldn't sustain my physical life as well. I have a God who loves me, a God whose mercies flow like a river, a God whose grace is everlasting, a God who see's me as worth it. He does not turn away from me He does come too my aid. So yes I am rich, I am not poor.

Where is the love?

The past couple days I have gotten to spend it at Camp Hebron at the sectionals for CCCA. I will be honest going into it I was not looking forward to it but it is funny how times like that you get surprised and learn so much. We had the honor of hearing Duffy Robbins speak, and man did he speak and hit me with a new truth each time.

One example in particularly that he spoke on hit me like a brick. He said that when speaking to a group at an event he had a young girl come up on the stage and act like she was holding a cup of water and he bumped into her and said hey you spilled. He asked her, do you know what came out of that cup? Looking at him confused, she said water because that is what was inside it. Duffy then proceeded to say imagine if you being filled with the holy spirit and someone bumps into you, what comes out? What if that was a truth for us all. What if when someone bumped into you and Christs love came out, the grace of God came out. What if the irrational passion of a Father that came and humbled himself and died came out. How radical of a thought and sad to think that doesn't always happen. Is this something that can be accomplished? Is it possible that when you get cut off on the highway or wrongly judged to show Christ and love? Is it possible that when you are outside of church and life happens that you could be a christian and act like Christ? Or did I miss the part in Sunday school where it says the world shall over come?

No! Christ is greater and is greater still and should be in our lives. Being Christlike is not something that is easy. It is not all rainbows and sunshine, it comes at a cost. And the hardest thing to do is to love those around you, but why?

Another story that impacted me this weekend goes as such: There is a block party and this guy who is there enjoying the party and food is talking with some people. Some time goes on and he feels a tug on his shirt, he looks down to find a girl of about the age of 2 with arms held high. We understand this as the sign for hold me. He has no idea who this little girl is or who she belongs to. His fingers covered in sauce says not now honey I am busy. Time goes by and a little bit later he feels a tug at his shirt. It is the same girl, again he says not now I am busy. He then proceeds to watch as she goes around the table only to be denied each time. He is wondering where is this girls mother, her father? He soon forgets and engages back into conversation. Some time later he looks up to see a man jump in the pool with all his clothes on, people rushing over. Naturally he does the same to see what is going on. To find the man pulling a small body from the water to the side as quick as he can. People are trying to breath life into this small body which he now sees is the little girl. By the time they herd the sounds of the EMS they knew she was gone. Now emotions flowing, this man who had denied her twice of attention is thinking why. He finds out a few days later that this was not the first time that the girl had jumped in a pool. Her mother was marrying a guy who did not want her and so she did not receive love, so to get attention she would jump in the pool. Only this time no one noticed.

Who in your life is reaching out for love and you are not showing it? Are we letting those that are around us drown? Are we showing the love of God? This was something I wrestled with. Not only had I been challenged with when people interact with me is Christ coming out, but now I am being asked am I truly loving through Christ? Because apart for God I can do nothing. My world was being shaken, my heart hoping that people in my life felt that I loved on them. But the reality of seeing I can do better and show the love of Christ better.

The kingdom of God is already here in the way we reach out to others. One day we will see the physical kingdom but we can represent the kingdom in how we live. Christ likeness is not saying how can I be perfect, but how can I serve others, reach out to the needy and represent the Father. It is obedience to Christ and saying I want for nothing. Saying that my heart is at the plow but ready for the alter. I will do the work of God until He calls me home. And why? Because He loved and didn't have to. So I ask why love, because God has called you to. Speak life and love into peoples lives, don't let your neighbor drown while you have the peace that is Christ.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I Get It, I'm desperate.

Remember going to summer camps and getting on that spiritual high (most likely from all the Mountain Dew) going crazy for God and saying I am gonna change? Do you remember the week after when your like crap I need to go back to camp to get back on fire, or maybe to go back and see the girl you met at the mud pit. Either way you realized something is wrong and you start wondering did I hear God. I was that kid. I didn't take it serious and God has way of getting our attention. I remember finally growing out of that and saying alright God faith needs a little WD-40 and spit to work I cant just sit around.

After that moment God hasn't given up on showing me more and more of Him and making me work. I have seen God work but for the longest time I would always say to my mom; I don't understand how people say they hear God I don't hear him. I struggled with this idea, was I not good enough, was I not strong enough in my faith, was it just that I was spiritually hard of hearing, was I to go light a bush on fire and hope God would talk to me? I was so lost on this concept.

I finally got it, I had my duh moment. So when I prayed, hey God I am thinking that I want to go college, and I don't know where. You send people I have never met or told of my plans and they say go to LBC and you provide the money maybe that's you talking. Or I say God I am broken show me what you want from my life and what you are trying to teach me. And I can't pick up the bible or my devotional book without you saying abide in me and I will overfill your cup if you trust in me. Maybe I should listen, maybe I get it.

God has been so good to me and I have overlooked it. God has blessed us with life each and everyday, is it to much to ask for us to be desperate for him, I mean he only paid for us with his son. Do you wake up each and everyday saying, I can't wait to meet with my Father. I know that's a question I wasn't asking for a long time and now I don't know why God didn't just slap me. As much as you value each breath you should value God ten times more. God is speaking just take time and listen. He desires us more than anything, why do you think love is so talked about in the bible. For he so loved, so why cant you? Listen and be desperate for a father who loves you. God will show you the plans he has for your life.

So next time you think, I wish God would call just look around you might feel dumb and have a duh moment because God is trying to show you something. Seek first the Kingdom and then live it.