These are questions that i was struggling over, and I felt completely lost. A good friend of mine spoke on the idea of being in "the land between" over the summer. This idea comes from the people of Israel time in the wilderness. God had a plan for them and saved them from slavery only for His people to complain and go against his will. They were stuck and waiting on what God had next. This idea can be so easily translated into our lives. We want to know what is next and how to get it done. We always are looking for the cliff notes in life's situation. But we have to have faith in the good and bad.
I'm saying that after struggling to do so. I have over the last few weeks struggled with the lack of growth and not seeing God work in my life. Part of it might have been my heart filling with bitterness, I was not accepting some things happening around me or feeling like I had some injustice was done. I was just like the people of God complaining and unhappy with God.
But if i would have just been aiding in God I would have dealt with my bitterness. But I wasn't I wanted my way and to fix it on my own. This lead to frustration after frustration and I couldn't figure it out. I started think man God has got this wrong I am unhappy and I don't think I am where I need to be. Who am I to think I know better than God. I remember a night or two before new years eve literally crying out to God. Asking why I felt the way I did, what was he doing with me, what did he want from me, and if I was where he wanted. I was at my breaking point.
Feeling broken is not fun. Realizing that I have been fighting for my will and not even taking the time to pray if that was God will for me really made me think. Then God when I thought he had forgotten me answers in ways I did not expect. He sends people to say things like, Hey you are a blessing and you don't know it, or hey your where you are supposed to be and God is going to use you. I didn't tell anyone but God what I had been feeling. Right when I gave up my will and felt like I couldn't go on God sends word.
I see now my heart was hard and my ears closed because of pride and not allowing time for my Father. A good friend of mine Aaron said if your investing in Christ and putting time in with him always seeking Him and what he wants, He will make His desires something you desire. I have felt a peace since that, I have felt more at peace waking up and making time for God. I do not think I will not find more troubles along the way but I have something that satisfies and I need to always seek that. It is hard to trust what you can not see but that is faith, I have a God that can meet my spiritual needs why cannot I trust for the physical as well? This is something that is a growing point for me and something I am getting better at. Life is not what we expect, it is not something that works out how we want or see it, and it is not about what we desire. And I am so happy about that, because I have a God that is working that out and has me in his hands.
CHRISTIAN! here is all thou canst require. To make thee happy thou wantest something that shall satisfy thee; and is not this enough? If thou canst pour this promise into thy cup, wilt thou not say, with David, "My cup runneth over; I have more than heart can wish"? When this is fulfilled, "I am thy God," art thou not possessor of all things? Desire is insatiable as death, but He who filleth all in all can fill it. The capacity of our wishes who can measure? but the immeasurable wealth of God can more than overflow it. I ask thee if thou art not complete when God is thine? -Charles Spurgeon
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