Broken

Life is not always what we expect. It does not work out how we want or see it. Our desires are not a must. God is not a candy machine that we pay a dollar and get a pay day. But we treat him that way, I know i do at times. I expect God to fix everything. I feel like a lot of times we think I will pray about and wait for God to take care of it. But that is not how it works. We have to put the work in for something to happen. What does one do when you have no idea what God wants? What can you do when you have no idea out of the many things to cry out to God about?

These are questions that i was struggling over, and I felt completely lost. A good friend of mine spoke on the idea of being in "the land between" over the summer. This idea comes from the people of Israel time in the wilderness. God had a plan for them and saved them from slavery only for His people to complain and go against his will. They were stuck and waiting on what God had next. This idea can be so easily translated into our lives. We want to know what is next and how to get it done. We always are looking for the cliff notes in life's situation. But we have to have faith in the good and bad.

I'm saying that after struggling to do so. I have over the last few weeks struggled with the lack of growth and not seeing God work in my life. Part of it might have been my heart filling with bitterness, I was not accepting some things happening around me or feeling like I had some injustice was done. I was just like the people of God complaining and unhappy with God.

But if i would have just been aiding in God I would have dealt with my bitterness. But I wasn't I wanted my way and to fix it on my own. This lead to frustration after frustration and I couldn't figure it out. I started think man God has got this wrong I am unhappy and I don't think I am where I need to be. Who am I to think I know better than God. I remember a night or two before new years eve literally crying out to God. Asking why I felt the way I did, what was he doing with me, what did he want from me, and if I was where he wanted. I was at my breaking point.

Feeling broken is not fun. Realizing that I have been fighting for my will and not even taking the time to pray if that was God will for me really made me think. Then God when I thought he had forgotten me answers in ways I did not expect. He sends people to say things like, Hey you are a blessing and you don't know it, or hey your where you are supposed to be and God is going to use you. I didn't tell anyone but God what I had been feeling. Right when I gave up my will and felt like I couldn't go on God sends word.

I see now my heart was hard and my ears closed because of pride and not allowing time for my Father. A good friend of mine Aaron said if your investing in Christ and putting time in with him always seeking Him and what he wants, He will make His desires something you desire. I have felt a peace since that, I have felt more at peace waking up and making time for God. I do not think I will not find more troubles along the way but I have something that satisfies and I need to always seek that. It is hard to trust what you can not see but that is faith, I have a God that can meet my spiritual needs why cannot I trust for the physical as well? This is something that is a growing point for me and something I am getting better at. Life is not what we expect, it is not something that works out how we want or see it, and it is not about what we desire. And I am so happy about that, because I have a God that is working that out and has me in his hands.

CHRISTIAN! here is all thou canst require. To make thee happy thou wantest something that shall satisfy thee; and is not this enough? If thou canst pour this promise into thy cup, wilt thou not say, with David, "My cup runneth over; I have more than heart can wish"? When this is fulfilled, "I am thy God," art thou not possessor of all things? Desire is insatiable as death, but He who filleth all in all can fill it. The capacity of our wishes who can measure? but the immeasurable wealth of God can more than overflow it. I ask thee if thou art not complete when God is thine? -Charles Spurgeon

The Reason

There is a lot going on being that it is the Christmas season. Everyone rushing around trying to get their last second shopping done, or decoration on the house and tree. The stores get more busy and hectic and the roads get more congested and frustrating. Sons and daughters are coming home to families to spend time with loved ones.

When you get home you get that warm feeling, a Hallmark moment. Seeing family is a joyous occasion and something to be cherished. It is something to value. We as a society look at christmas as a great time of joy and happiness. All the family gathered in one place fellowshiping together and loving on oneanother.

I think with all this hustle and bustle we can sometimes forget about why we should truely be happy. We have more than family, Christmas trees, cookies, presents, and snow to be happy for. There is an everlasting Hallmark moment to be found in this Christmas season.

A baby was given into death, grew into a man surround by the flesh and born into life. And the crazy thing is He took us with Him into this life. We are but shells of what is to come. There is a reason for the season. And it cant be found in a store, under the tree or miseltoe, or even in your family gathering. It is in Christ! He is the reason we can even enjoy this season. And to those that would read this and understand what I am saying are blessed to be enjoying a life of grace, but sadly some are not and thats our job. We should not just be thinking of Christ's death on the cross on Christmas and Easter. Thats to easy of a life and we are called to more. There are those that dont know the reason for the season.

And yes that means you have to do more than just open presents and such, there is a great work to do each and everyday. I say this not as one being perfect in that but understand Christ desires to know all his children and as we approach His birth i would ike to think of more than just Frosty and Rudolph. We have a reason to be merry, a reason to rejoice. And he sustains and fills us.

So as your rushing around or stuck in traffic take some time to pray for those around you because Christ loves all His children and was not just born into life for just you and me, but everyone. Remember the real reason for this wonderful Christmas season.

Fog

It always seems to be raining when I either drive home or back to North East. I think I have only have driven without rain about three to four times. But this time not only was it raining but foggy and gloom. I could barely see the cars around me or what surround the road. My vision being lessened I had to really focus on the road. It made me centered.

This got me thinking sometimes in life we find ourselves on a road and being distracted and fall away. But with the fog blinding me it took away from what i could see it guided my vision to the center to the end goal of getting back to sandy cove. I feel like a lot of the time I get so distracted by whats around me, I take away from what God has for me. My faith or purpose should guide me, center me like the fog did. My sin leads me astray but the with a mission or purpose it can be centered like the fog did to my driving.

I'm finding that's one of the reasons Sandy Cove is so blessed. The mission drives everything and everyone. A mission can be so powerful and empowering. Christ gave all of us a mission a purpose and there is power in that, and i need to keep that in mind. When Paul said he does the things he does not want to do, I have come to understand that all to well. I war within myself. But the mission as Mark P. Fisher would explain is a sword it has a point and is driving.

I would hope that my life would always be driven by a sword, that being Christ and his word. That i would always seek which is good. And I hope that for whoever reads this.

Ps. 16:11

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

I think allowing God to show us the path of life is the hard thing. So often I fight for my wants and how i want things to go. But if i only could just submit the rest of the verse could be true in my life more.

Times

The past two months at Sandy Cove have been filled with joy and a lot of pain. I keep getting told you know your growuing when you can sense some growth along with pain. And I gotta be honest I am tired of the pain. Growing is something that gives motivation but can be crippling. In the one sense, sweet I am gaining a better understanding of who I. But the other I am so broken and i have a lot that I have swept under the rug.

God is calling me out time and time again. I feel like a lil kid, I know what I did and I wanna hide under the bed and hope He doesnt find me out. The Shadow of Christ is to vast for me to hide from and im glad for that i cannot. I have been in some serious grace and love from my heavenly Father as I walk with my hand in front of me because this whole experience feels like im in the dark. These past two months have been times of renewal and times of growth. Times of anger, times of fustrastion, times of despair, times of lonelyness, times of being lost, times of being found, times of love, times of joy, times of laughter, and times of happeiness. God is good and when i have found myself on that rock with the waves all around me I am at peace becasue he has got my back. I have come to in these times over the last two months come to see how great the love of a father is for his son.

Being a man from a fatherless childhood this concept has always escaped me. There is a God who is my father that cares? That wont turn away or hide his loving words from me. That knows me, and desires depth from me. That's crazy to me, it may not e to some but to me it is foreign. God in all His greatness and power wants someone like me, broken and fatherless. Thats insane. And empoering. I have been called by my Father for more than living in the idea that i am a fatherless runt who will amount to nothing.

I have been in converge for two months and they have been a great two months of seeing God work. Seeing me get beat up and broken so God can oull the iniquity out. I am glad I have taken this different path.

Fasting

We were asked to pick something to fast from the past six weeks. Ill be honest when i first thought of this i wanted to say what wont hurt the most. I knew i was not having the right spirit about it whatsoever. I knew i had to pick something that i did alot and i came to Facebook. It was something i could give up, something i could live without.

I feel that i made it an idol, every time i got on the internet i was checking Facebook. So i gave it up because it was something that consumed my time. But it didn't hurt, it didn't make me think oh hey im not on Facebook. I did learn tho that there are alot of things in ours lives that we hold to highly and put value you on. And that there is so much better things to be spending time on.

Next week we are pick something new to fast from, and i will consider deeply the next thing i pick. I want to pick something interrupts my day so i am drawn to the Cross.

Acts 17:16-34

I like the way Paul approached the men in Athens. The men there were religious and high scholars men of high standard. Paul feeling the spirit did not attack them or condemn them. He did judge them and say you sinners i see your faults and your doomed. He waited for the spirit to lead him instead of charging in. And even then he waited and spoke with determination from a point of teaching to reach out to what they knew. He built a small relationship with them by coming out everyday and spoke.

These men were religious and high scholars of high scholar, so Paul taught the gospel from the what the knew. He took their idol worship and met them at their level to explain the gospel. "For as I passed along and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, 'To the unknown god.' What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for
'In him we live and move and have our being';as even some of your own poets have said,
"'For we are indeed his offspring.' (Acts 17:23-28).

I am not opposed to the preaching on the street corner or fire and brimstone style preaching they have their place. But I like the idea of building some sort of relationship to share the gospel and meeting the person were they are at. Most people do not liked to be talked at or above. And like when people speak at the same level. Paul didn't raise himself above them but met them in the meeting place and spoke the same as any other teacher. They were interested in his teaching and wanted to know more. You can see the fruit of paul following the spirit at the end of the chapter, it says that some listened and believe.